Club Paris Event Calendar - August

We've got the scoop on the upcoming events calendar for Jacksonville's hottest club spot, Club Paris! Club Paris is Jacksonville's first world-class club and has finally brought a night life to the River City that allows us to be placed at the end of a long list of the wildest party cities in the world including New York, Paris, Miami, Tokyo, Milan, Moscow, Hong Kong, Dubai, Edinburgh, Indianapolis, Port-au-Prince, Islamabad, Tashkent, Monrovia, Gaza City and many, many others.

One Hot Party
August 1-5, 2007
And you thought you knew how to have a hot party? The girls from the Shands Jacksonville Burn Ward have all got new skin grafts and IV drips to ensure they stay well-hydrated and able to party all night long! They're going to heat it up like you won't believe, because these severe burn victims are desperate for human contact! Hosted by special guest emcee Vern Troyer aka Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies!

Soup du Jour
August 6-10, 2007
This can of soup was featured in LC's kitchen pantry throughout the first season of MTV's hot reality series Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County! It's a delicious organic tomato bisque, just the sort of soup eaten by the wealthy and sophisticated residents of The O.C. and it's been touring the hottest party spots across the country until it ended up here in Jacksonville. Be there Friday night, August 10th when the can of soup will complete its journey and be opened and heated to over 300 degrees Fahrenheit before being fed to special guest celebrity Vern Troyer aka Mini-Me! Now that's really hot!

A Tall Order
August 11-17, 2007
It's a match made in heaven when the tallest man from Maine hits the hottest club spot in Jacksonville. Paul Gervais is 6'9" tall but you'd never know it when you see how low he gets on that dance floor! If you're taller than Paul, you get in free! And make sure you get there before 11 PM when a special mystery guest will stand directly next to Paul for 30 minutes straight. You've never seen someone so short stand next to someone so tall in your life. It's hot!

Pump Up The Bass
August 18-20, 2007
He's the badboy of bass fishing, Michael "Ike" Iaconelli, the 2003 CITGO Bassmasters Champion was described by GQ magazine as "America's biggest basshole," and he'll be partying all weekend long at Club Paris! He's the Happy Gilmore of bass fishing and he's going to bring his badboy party attitude to Jacksonville and help turn up the heat. Be there as Mike and special guest angler Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) perform some hilarious bass fishing-themed improv skits with suggestions from the audience! Just don't get caught in this rebel's wake! It's hot!

Celebrity Ex-Perience
August 21-24, 2007
Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster as you party with three of hot celebrity Casey Affleck's ex-girlfriends all night long! All three of these girls dated the Ocean's 13 superstar Casey Affleck and all three of them have been abused emotionally and physically! Ladies, enjoy free margaritas if you listen supportively as Denise, Sequoia and Rachel recount their shared experiences of being caught up in a world of drug abuse, shattered promises and emotional domination at the hands of a real celebrity. Be sure to stick around because at midnight we're going to play our own Club Paris-themed version of The Dating Game. Watch as one of these unlucky ladies gets a chance to turn her life around by convincing a special guest celebrity from the Austin Powers series of movies that she's the right girl for him by answering a series of risque questions! Now that's hot!

Club Paris Is An Alternate Dimension Where Rape Is Not A Crime
August 25-31, 2007
This whole week the door to Club Paris is a portal to an alternate dimension where girls can't say no... because we're making sure they're completely incapacitated! Your mortal laws hold no sway in this dark realm where literally anything goes! Ladies get in free, drink for free, and get raped for free! Guys, you've never had an experience like this because for one week in August, these ladies have no recourse to higher authority. Gentlemen get ready to let loose your animal passions and embrace the only law governing this twisted expanse, the law of the jungle where the strong dominate the weak and take all that they desire! Be sure to clear your calendar for 11:59 PM on August 31st when special celebrity guest Vern Troyer, a.k.a. Mini-Me from the movie Austin Powers: Goldmember, will be brutally violated by our Club Paris All Male Review and then sacrificed upon a darkened altar to the Ancient One known as Baphomet! It'll be hot!